Basking in the warm essence of the universe’s vast stores of cosmic energy, local dog and confirmed good boy Kite has realized that he need no longer strive to be good, because he already is.
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Wait, I Forget, Is This Not the Litter Box?
Look, I realize that occasionally I get it wrong, but I remember which one is the actual litter box, like, at least 80 percent of the time. That’s pretty good in my book.
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Cat Prepares to Have Difficult But Necessary Conversation With Human Roommate About Hygiene Habits
“It’s not like he’s a bad person,” Meister explained. “He’s cool, he pets me plenty, and he always feeds me on time. But good gravy, would it kill him to shower at least every other day? If he’s not going to lick himself clean like us civilized animals, he can at least do that.”
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Pun Horse Found Shaved, Mane Suspect Identified
Schenectady, NY—Local pun-making horse Brutus was found in a field on the edge of town, standing but unconscious, with his mane shaved off. Brutus belongs to local farmer Mike McMillan, and appears to have been stolen sometime after 8 p.m. Wednesday night and was identified by a pedestrian early Thursday morning. Brutus was quickly loaded […]
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Dog Pretty Sure Owner Can’t See Her Staring At Pie
Rapid City, SD—Sitting on a chair in the kitchen, local pug Munchkin feels confident that her owner has not yet noticed that she is transfixed by the caramel marshmallow pie cooling on the counter. Munchkin smelled the pie while it was in the oven. “I was upstairs eating one of Master’s Crocs,” Munchkin told a […]
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