You know, if we’re going to be married at this time next year, we’re going to have to be engaged pretty soon here. Like, now-ish. Get what I’m saying? Or I might get the urge to, like, kick a bunny.
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Woman Fails to Crack Smile After Most Recent Joke About Her Height
London, UK—Following an entirely predictable and painfully commonplace joke about her being short, local Web developer Taylor Newton failed for the first time to crack a smile to stoke the ego of the person who told the joke. Newton had been walking to a nearby sandwich shop for lunch when Mitchell Gregory, a coworker passing […]
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Man Recording Concert on Phone Blocked By Everyone Else Recording Concert on Phones
Bloomington, IN—Standing on the tips of his toes in Grossinger Motors Arena, bartender Patrick Andrews is becoming frustrated in his attempt to record the Lindsey Stirling concert on his cell phone because everyone in front of him is trying to record the concert on their cell phones. Andrews stamped his foot and shook his head, […]
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Innovative New Cell Phone Charger Doesn’t Plug Into Phone At All
Palo Alto, CA—After years of consumers plugging in their USB cell phone chargers upside down, one company has announced a product that does away with that problem entirely. Furious Electronics, an Icelandic phone accessory manufacturer, has announced the UnCable, a new USB charging cable that avoids the problem of plugging in upside down by not […]
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Man Makes Eye Contact With Approaching Coworker Too Soon
Baltimore, MD—Cursing silently under his breath, local graphic designer Tony Gonsalez weighs his options after accidentally making eye contact too soon with a coworker down the hall who is still 70 feet away. Gonsalez had been heading to the company cafeteria when he turned the corner and saw his coworker, Martin Pensk, entering the long […]
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NSA Analyst Clears Throat to Keep Man From Embarrassing Himself in Front of Webcam
Fort Meade, MD—During a shift of routine mass surveillance, NSA analyst Robbie Riles spotted a man poised on the precipice of embarrassment on one of the camera feeds he was monitoring. Riles had been several hours into a shift of illegally monitoring the webcams of sixteen different citizens when he recognized the impending situation. Halfway […]
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Man Refuses to Use Spelling Suggestions, Fails 47 Times to Spell “Novocaine”
Burbank, CA—Hammering away at his keyboard, local utility worker Brad McFearson is seething after 47 failed attempts to correctly spell the word “novocaine,” which he refuses to look up. McFearson, after making steady progress for a few pages, stopped in the middle of writing a paper for his night class when Microsoft Word inserted a […]
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New VR Product Allows You to Avoid Seeing Your Coworkers
Billions of people across the globe have to suffer the sight of their annoying coworkers every day, but a new virtual reality product from tech startup Insular Incorporated aims to change that. Dubbed the NoJanice, the device fits around your head like a normal VR headset, but instead of presenting an entire virtual world, presents […]
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Study Finds Most Productive Place for Meetings Is in a Cabin, in the Wilderness, by Yourself
Researchers published a paper this week on workplace efficiency that outlines their finding that the most productive place for meetings is in a cabin, in the wilderness, by yourself. The paper details the methods used in the experiment. They set up 9 controlled trials where participants were tasked with solving a series of problems together. […]
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Maine Law Bans Baristas From Being Cheerful Before 10 a.m.
AUGUSTA, ME—After a sweeping bipartisan effort in the legislature, Governor Paul LePage signed into law a new regulation that requires all employees at any business which serves coffee in Maine to limit their cheeriness until after 10 a.m. The law was the end goal of a movement that’s been gaining support over the last ten […]
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