After months of trying to ignore the problem and hope it resolved itself on its own, local cat Meister plans to confront his human roommate, Kurtis Dodson, about his ongoing hygiene issues.
Meister had been telling himself that he could continue letting Dodson, a gas station attendant and former member of a local punk band, with his disgusting routines, but after seeing Dodson walk out of the bathroom without washing his hands, Meister decided it was time to confront the human.
“It’s not like he’s a bad person,” Meister explained. “He’s cool, he pets me plenty, and he always feeds me on time. But good gravy, would it kill him to shower at least every other day? If he’s not going to lick himself clean like us civilized animals, he can at least do that.”
Meister has decided it would be best to bring documentation of the various offenses with him into the conversation.
“I have a pretty good list here,” Meister told the Post. “Number one is doing the dishes. They pile up so high I could hide in there sometimes. Staying up all night watching Netflix and eating Cheet-Os, that’d be great to address too. Oh, and wearing the same shirt several days in a row, that’s on there. There are several laundry-related items, actually.”
Meister wanted to clarify that this isn’t just about him, but what’s best for Dodson.
“Sure, part of why I want him to make sure he flushes the toilet every time he uses it is just in case my water bowl runs out and I need somewhere to drink out of, but, like, I want him to wear deodorant now and then for his own sake. I think that might be contributing to his lack of social life.”
Meister checked through his list one last time, wanting to make sure he covered all the major points, such as putting raw onions in the refrigerator uncovered. He has also crossed some items off of the list to be concise.
“I’m not going to list him using the TV remote while eating, because sometimes he’s eating bacon or something and I like to lick the remote afterward. What? Someone’s gotta clean it.”