Brooklyn, NY—Jumping up onto a shelf and heaving each dish off one by one, local cat and noted Trump supporter Georgio has declared an all-out war on the fine china in his home.
Georgio decided it was time to do something after listening to the television programs his human owners watch. It became clear that he had to act now for the future of his home.
“This has been the greatest theft of shelf space in the history of the world,” Georgio declared as he shoved off another tea cup. “This space deficit is out of control and continues to grow.”
He also felt the kitchen china had not been held to the same standards as he and the other residents of the house.
“I’m required to clean myself every day,” Georgio complained, “but the china sits there and does nothing, then the humans have to go and clean it up anyway. Total rip-off.”
Georgio went to work on a stack of plates, which he shoved off one at a time with his nose. He says he is tired of the special treatment the china gets and wants fair treatment.
“Why are we having guests over and letting them eat off of this china anyway? Just take them to McDonald’s.”
Georgio went on to blame the china for a host of things he couldn’t explain the importance of for his own house, such as stealing state secrets and currency manipulation.
However, Georgio did go on to say he wanted to ensure the china can compete for shelf space with him—fairly—in the future.
“I love china,” Georgio cautioned. “Nobody likes this china more than me. We have a beautiful relationship.”
Georgio then pushed off a final plate, which crashed onto the floor with the rest of the ousted dishes.