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Study Shows Foxes Actually Just Misunderstood Dogs

Study Shows Foxes Actually Just Misunderstood Dogs

A new study published earlier this month rocks the world of mammal biology with the finding that all foxes are actually just misunderstood dogs. The study compared DNA and behavior between 30 dogs and 30 foxes, concluding that foxes were in fact dogs, but were just kind of weird sometimes. “I’m glad that my work […]

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Feline Trump Fan Declares War on Kitchen China

Feline Trump Fan Declares War on Kitchen China

Brooklyn, NY—Jumping up onto a shelf and heaving each dish off one by one, local cat and noted Trump supporter Georgio has declared an all-out war on the fine china in his home. Georgio decided it was time to do something after listening to the television programs his human owners watch. It became clear that […]

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Cat Bids Tearful Goodbye to Second Family Down the Street

Cat Bids Tearful Goodbye to Second Family Down the Street

Bend, OR—After being passed around for a series of hugs, local cat Scamper is being bid tearful goodbyes by each member of his second family down the street before they moved out of state. The family of five is leaving today to move to Arkansas after being in the area for the past twelve years, […]

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Sis, Don’t Move. There’s a Bird, Like, RIGHT There.

Sis, Don’t Move. There’s a Bird, Like, RIGHT There.

Whoa. Sis. Act cool. There is a bird, like right there. Don’t move, or you might spook it. Ooooh man, would you look at it? That is one plump turkey. Not literally a turkey—I think it’s a blue jay or something, but it’s definitely been making some return trips to the buffet, if you know […]

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Woman Fails to Crack Smile After Most Recent Joke About Her Height

Woman Fails to Crack Smile After Most Recent Joke About Her Height

London, UK—Following an entirely predictable and painfully commonplace joke about her being short, local Web developer Taylor Newton failed for the first time to crack a smile to stoke the ego of the person who told the joke. Newton had been walking to a nearby sandwich shop for lunch when Mitchell Gregory, a coworker passing […]

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Bobsled Dog Starting to Question Career Path

Bobsled Dog Starting to Question Career Path

Anchorage, AK—Standing at the back of the pack of 16 huskies, third-year Iditarod veteran Togo is beginning to question whether his career as a sled dog is turning out the way he had hoped. This is Togo’s third Iditarod, and each year he has been placed at the very back of his line of 8, […]

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I’m Really Not Sure How I Feel About This New Cat

I’m Really Not Sure How I Feel About This New Cat

I just want you to know two things up front so that my opinion doesn’t sound in any way bigoted or closed-minded. First, I do like cats. Really, they’re great. Remember Cooties? She was a great cat. She welcomed me into the home and showed me the ropes back when I was adopted. It was […]

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Government Deploys Baskets of Kittens to Solve Nation’s Problems

Government Deploys Baskets of Kittens to Solve Nation’s Problems

Washington, DC—Late yesterday the Department of Health and Human Services activated a never-before-used measure to combat the host of problems the nation is facing. In coordination with the Federal Emergency Management Agency, 2 million baskets of kittens were deployed across the country, each with 4 kittens in them. The kittens were moved from local shelters […]

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