Fort Lauderdale, FL—Basking in the sun, local insurance agent Rebekah Brycen is only able to enjoy this moment of cuddling with her dog because she is blissfully ignorant of all the places her dog’s tongue has been.
Brycen decided to bring her dog, a black mix named Shortcake, to the park for a walk after getting off work early.
“The sun was out, the air was cool, and I’d grabbed a pumpkin spice latte,” Brycen said while the tongue that had been all kinds of vile places grazed her face, “It would be a crime not to enjoy the purity that nature has provided by taking a walk at the park on a day like this.”
After taking a lap around the perimeter, Brycen lay down in the grass. She took the lid off of her coffee and let Shortcake lap up some of it before replacing the lid and continuing to drink it.
“What can I say?” she asked. “She has good taste in coffee.”
Brycen finished the drink and pulled Shortcake up close. Shortcake took the opportunity to once again bathe Brycen’s face in a cornucopia of bacteria from an unbelievably diverse set of places.
Brycen winced, but did nothing to halt the onslaught.
“It’s just so cute when she does that. And I don’t mind; I think I heard somewhere that dogs’ mouths are actually cleaner than human mouths,” Brycen said, being wrong. “One time my retainer fell out while I was watching TV, but I didn’t want to get up to wash it in the sink, so I just let her lick it for a little bit before putting it back in, just to be safe. Dogs are so great!”
According to sources, Shortcake’s tongue has, in the past 24 hours alone, been into 2 trash cans, a mound of dirt, Brycen’s cell phone, a child’s leg, a pile of rabbit feces, a melted ice cream cone on the ground, and at least one other person’s mouth.