St. Paul, MN—Local cat Soupie is weighing his options after the unsolicited bath he is receiving from his mother drags past its fourth hour.
Soupie, though almost a year old, still lives with his mother, unlike the rest of his siblings, who have already moved out.
“I have no idea why she is even giving me a bath,” Soupie whispered to a Post reporter, trying not to speak too loudly lest his mother hear. “Like, I’m basically an adult now. I’ve been giving myself baths for six months.”
Soupie had been laying in the sun earlier when his mother, Kimchi, wandered into the room.
“Oh, Soupie,” she exclaimed, “you have some dirt on your neck. You poor thing.”
Despite Soupie’s protests, she began to lick the spot clean. Soupie had hoped the session would be over quickly, but she kept finding more hairs that didn’t seem to satisfy her standards.
“I must have gotten the dust on my neck when I rubbed up against the table earlier. I was otherwise clean, but try telling her that.”
Soupie says that the occasional unasked-for bath isn’t the only obtrusive mothering Kimchi has given him recently.
“The other day she killed a bird and brought it over to me. ‘Eat up,’ she said, ‘you’re looking thin.’ I eat just as much as she does! But she said something about being a growing boy and didn’t let up until I’d taken a few bites. I prefer cat food, to be honest.”
Kimchi has no regrets about her parenting methods.
“Why should I stop being a mother just because he’s learned a few things?” she asked defensively. “I have three long years of wisdom under my belt, and I’m not about to let him run out and make a bunch of mistakes when he could know better.”
Soon after, Soupie fell asleep after giving up hope of doing anything with the rest of his day.
“Oh, he’s so precious when he’s sleeping,” Kimchi said while looking down at him. “My perfect little angel.”