Sioux Falls, SD—Breathing deeply and becoming aware of his surroundings, local cat and zen guru Bolobolo has decided to push everything off of every surface in his house.
Bolobolo ended his most recent meditation session this morning, where he had concluded that the surest path to inner peace would be to adjust the feng shui in his home to maximize the open space. He reached deep down into the energies of the cosmos and divined that the best way to do this would be to remove all items occupying the surfaces from their present places.
“It really makes the most sense,” Bolobolo told the Post, “after thinking through all the possibilities. When I quiet my mind and ask myself what troubles me, it really is all the clutter I’ve allowed to accumulate.”
Bolobolo had not yet begun, wanting to plan out the best path forward.
“First, there’s the table. There are these useless salt and pepper shakers always just cluttering up the middle. Then there is this vase, which has had no flowers in it and is dry as a bone. Oh, and these coasters. They gotta go too. The only question is whether to push them off en masse or one by one.”
A nearby shelf presented an even greater opportunity for growth; each shelf contained multiple plates, cups, and jars, all of which would need to be relocated to the floor in order to really balance out the room and give his chi space to grow.
His intention is to see the complete, smooth surfaces of the kitchen table, both kitchen counters, the shelf in the kitchen, the shelf in the bathroom, the hutch, the coffee table, and the two bedroom night stands by the end of the day.
“I’m sure that when I’m all finished, the house will be absolutely blossoming with energy. I bet my human can’t wait.”