Norwich, UK—After reportedly concentrating all of his inner will and ascending to a higher plane of existence, local British Shorthair Bertrand has brought into existence a helping of cat food into his bowl.
Bertrand had been indignantly staring at the bowl for the past hour and a half as a protest against his human’s slowness in feeding him. At some point, however, he sank into an unfocused state that laid bare to him all of the universe’s secrets.
“Normally I have an unfavourable opinion of any sort of supernatural claims,” Bertrand wrote to the Post, “but it is very clear that something occurred right in front of me today that does not have a rational explanation.”
Bertrand describes a point at which he was staring at the bowl and suddenly his eyes drooped shut.
“Once my eyes were closed, the darkness was suddenly filled with light. I was suddenly in a field, and through the field I could see mice jumping out of the grass, but every time I ran to catch them, they weren’t there.”
He explained that the field suddenly vanished, and in its place was a tree.
“From this tree grew all things. It is hard for me to describe, but everything that is, and that ever was, existed because it came from this tree. Then the tree spoke to me, and it asked what I desired. And I told that tree, I told it that I was rather famished, and would desire a good snack, you see. And by Joe, the tree said yes!”
Bertrand then says he opened his eyes to discover he was back in his home, and his food bowl in front of him was filled to the brim.
“It is simply impossible to explain,” Bertrand wrote. “I am a very grounded cat! Such things do not seem to be within the realm of possibility. And yet, it is exactly as I experienced it.”
When asked about the incident, his owner, Thomas Blankenship, didn’t notice anything strange.
“Oh, um, I just grabbed the food bag, scooped some out, and put it into the bowl in front of him. I think he was asleep when I did it, though.”