Home 2018July07
Neighborhood Jerk Still Not Interested In Letting You Pet Him

Neighborhood Jerk Still Not Interested In Letting You Pet Him

Champaign, IL—A black and white cat known by various names in the Robeson Park neighborhood still reportedly has no interest in being petted, no matter how much he hints to the contrary. “Oh yeah, I’ve seen that putz around here a bunch,” said Miriam Gage, who runs the nearby laundromat. “Li’l Sneakers. He comes up […]

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Airlines to Ban All Emotional Support Humans From Flights

Airlines to Ban All Emotional Support Humans From Flights

Atlanta, GA—Yesterday Delta Airlines formally banned the use of emotional support humans for both domestic and international flights, making it the last major carrier in the U.S. to do so. The rule change comes after a growing movement that has for the past several years pointed to alleged abuse by passengers who would bring humans […]

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Local Cat 70% Certain Bug on Wall Is Actually Paint Spot

Local Cat 70% Certain Bug on Wall Is Actually Paint Spot

Fargo, ND—His eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling near the anterior wall of the house, local cat Percy is debating what he’s actually staring at. The episode began shortly after his owner, local fitness instructor Sam Neal, left for work. Percy walked into the bedroom intending to find a sunny spot, and after […]

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School On Lockdown After Discovery of Really Big Spider

School On Lockdown After Discovery of Really Big Spider

Montpelier, VT—Montpelier High School is on lockdown after the discovery of a really big spider on the walls of one of the hallways. The Washington County sheriff issued a statement confirming the report. “We are aware of the situation and are taking action. Please stay clear of the school grounds until we can give further […]

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This Is My Stick and No One Else’s

This Is My Stick and No One Else’s

I get it. Maybe you grew up in Freeloadersville, USSR, but where I’m from, if you have a stick, and you got that stick on your own efforts, it is YOUR stick. And THIS stick is MY stick. I’m sure you probably got everything handed to you when you were a pup, and you just […]

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