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Nowhere Is Safe From My Tongue

Nowhere Is Safe From My Tongue

Look, John, if it is your wish, I will allow you to persist in your false comfort. I noticed your little stunt a moment ago, when you saw me staring at the ice cream cone in your hand and you moved it a few more inches away. As if that would help. As if it […]

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New VR Product Allows You to Avoid Seeing Your Coworkers

New VR Product Allows You to Avoid Seeing Your Coworkers

Billions of people across the globe have to suffer the sight of their annoying coworkers every day, but a new virtual reality product from tech startup Insular Incorporated aims to change that. Dubbed the NoJanice, the device fits around your head like a normal VR headset, but instead of presenting an entire virtual world, presents […]

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Cat Takes Refuge Behind New Curtains Before Shredding Them

Cat Takes Refuge Behind New Curtains Before Shredding Them

Dallas, TX—Local Maine Coon Shadow is taking refuge behind a new set of curtains to enjoy them for a moment before absolutely tearing them to shreds. Moments after hearing her owners pull the vacuum out of the closet down the hall, Shadow slunk behind the new curtains in the bedroom window to wait out the […]

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Pun Horse Found Shaved, Mane Suspect Identified

Pun Horse Found Shaved, Mane Suspect Identified

Schenectady, NY—Local pun-making horse Brutus was found in a field on the edge of town, standing but unconscious, with his mane shaved off. Brutus belongs to local farmer Mike McMillan, and appears to have been stolen sometime after 8 p.m. Wednesday night and was identified by a pedestrian early Thursday morning. Brutus was quickly loaded […]

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Owner Saved From Roadkill After Faithful Dog Pins it to the Ground

Owner Saved From Roadkill After Faithful Dog Pins it to the Ground

Schellsburg, PA—Diving into action before anyone knew what was happening, faithful dog Carrot located a malicious piece of roadkill seconds before it became a danger to his master and pinned it to the ground. Carrot and his master, Fred Gorsuch, a local pawn shop owner, were walking along the shoulder of Lincoln Highway when Carrot […]

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If I’m Not Back in Five Minutes, Go On Without Me

If I’m Not Back in Five Minutes, Go On Without Me

Alright, human. This is where we part ways. There’s a bird over there, or maybe it’s a leaf, or even a monster, but I’m going after it, and if I’m not back in five minutes, go on without me. Maybe it was foolish, this whole charade about me being a domesticated pet. Sometimes I’m even […]

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Dog Pretty Sure Owner Can’t See Her Staring At Pie

Dog Pretty Sure Owner Can’t See Her Staring At Pie

Rapid City, SD—Sitting on a chair in the kitchen, local pug Munchkin feels confident that her owner has not yet noticed that she is transfixed by the caramel marshmallow pie cooling on the counter. Munchkin smelled the pie while it was in the oven. “I was upstairs eating one of Master’s Crocs,” Munchkin told a […]

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Dog Nearly Allows Two Treats on Snout Before Devouring Them

Dog Nearly Allows Two Treats on Snout Before Devouring Them

Anchorage, AK—After letting a treat sit on his snout for several unbearable seconds, local Labrador Rupert promptly twisted his head and caught the falling treat in his mouth. His owner, Jacob Jeffries, stood over the dog with another treat in his hand. He’d intended to set that treat on the dog’s snout as well, making […]

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